Recruiting participants for an academic research project is no easy feat, yet every now and then, a serendipitous moment emerges that shapes the trajectory of inquiry. The journey that led me to Nico began with a recruitment poster posted on my Instagram story. It was an open invitation, a digital beacon calling out to those whose stories resonated with the theme of my MA project. And then came a message that declared "I think I'm the one you're looking for." Within a week, I found myself seated across 25-year-old Nico in her cozy London apartment.

​As one steps into the living space she shares with her boyfriend, an immediate immersion into her world unfolds. The sitting room is punctuated by an impressive gaming setup— a PC, Xbox, an array of mobile gaming devices, and a specially customised pink controller. Her collection of over 300 games on Steam is a testament to her insatiable curiosity, with titles spanning multiple genres. "I play games at least 60% of my day every day. I will never stop talking about games," she confesses with an infectious laughter.

​Originally from Shenzhen, China, Nico has called London home for the past four years, a span during which she's transformed from an undergraduate student to a master's degree holder in film from London College of Communication, UAL. "Film is what I learn and could be my career in the future, and I do like it. Games are what I love for my life. I have so much passion for it," she muses. Yet, Nico is equally steadfast about maintaining a clear distinction between her two great passions, clarifying that film and games are “two separate parts” of her. Her decision to compartmentalise these aspects of her life is a deliberate choice, safeguarding the purity of the joy each brings her, and a testament to her profound love for consuming media in all its forms.

​Nico's current gaming repertoire spans a myriad of genres, but her heart races fastest for horror games, "I'm a huge fan of horror films: ghosts, mystery, bloody violence. It gets to a point where I wouldn't be satisfied by just watching a horror film. I want to be a part of it. Playing horror games doesn't scare me anymore, and I have become super strong inside." Her favourites include renowned series like Layers of Fear, Resident Evil, Five Nights at Freddy's, and Silent Hill. Shooter games also hold a special place in her heart, from Counter-Strike and Call of Duty to the immersive worlds of PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds (PUBG), boasting over 300 hours of gameplay. MOBAs like League of Legends (LoL), Overwatch, and the World of Warcraft series, including Hearthstone, captivate her competitive spirit. LoL, in particular, has accompanied her throughout her gaming life since Season 4 in 2013. While her journey has taken her through a multitude of experiences, genres, and characters, she fondly reminisces about her connection with the iconic Lara Croft from the Tomb Raider series. "I used to play all the Tomb Raider games. My normal hours for these are 20-30 hours on Steam," she reveals. Her admiration for Lara Croft runs deep, as she describes the character with fervour, "She is smart, independent, brave, pretty, seems to know everything, and can solve problems. Her body skills are way better than actual people. Normal people can’t do what she does. She is like a superwoman. I love everything about her." Nico prefers PC games, but she is not confined to a single platform. She revels in the rhythm-based action game Hi-fi Rush on her Xbox. On her Nintendo Switch, she enjoys The Legend of Zelda and Animal Crossing. Her iPad is a playground for her too. "When I'm tired of sitting at my desk, and my back hurts from sitting too long, I quit and lay down on my sofa for a bit and play on my iPad," she shares.

 Nico's gaming odyssey began when she was 8 years old. Her father's shooting game sessions with relatives held a magnetic pull, especially because she was prohibited from joining. "This forbidden aspect made me get even more excited about it," she chuckles. She remembers slipping into the home library with a password-protected PC, where she observed her father's password entry with hawk-like precision. When her parents were away, she and her sister would duel over the keyboard, vying for moments with online flash dress-up and makeup games. "I had a special skill as a child that I could sense when my parents were coming back," she laughs, reminiscing about the makeshift cooling tactics she employed to mask her escapades. This craftiness stayed with her through her teenage years. After mathematics coaching classes, she'd invent clever excuses to escape to an internet cafe, securing an hour of gaming. Her passion was steadfast even in the face of imminent exams when she'd venture out to the internet bar, undeterred by her friends' disapproval. Now beyond parental watch, Nico immerses herself wholly. "It feels like I’m trying to make it up to my younger version," she reflects, encapsulating a journey from forbidden curiosity to unwavering devotion. 

​Gaming, for Nico, is more than a solitary pursuit but a bridge to friendships, "For video game players, it's definitely a hobby. My boyfriend and I have made a lot of friends by playing games," she enthuses. The bond she forms with fellow gamers transcends digital boundaries, evolving into deep connections that often last for years without a face-to-face meeting. Moreover, Nico finds the immersive nature of gaming unparalleled: "When gaming, I get to take charge, and the non-playable characters (NPCs) react to my choices. It's a way to escape reality and relax my mind.” Victories bring happiness, and failures become opportunities for improvement, like climbing a hill. She also highlights a real-world benefit: "Playing games with maps has improved my sense of direction." Notably, her heightened observation skills extend beyond the screen: "After playing Rainbow Six Siege (RSS) extensively, I'm more attuned to spotting details like corner CCTVs. My brain works faster, and my decision-making has improved."

​But Nico's experience within the gaming community hasn't been without its challenges. While games like Stardew Valley foster camaraderie, the predominantly male realms of titles like PUBG, Overwatch, or League of Legends (LoL) have prompted her to adopt the gender-neutral username "Nico," to shield herself from unfair prejudices. "It is disgusting how they make you feel like a female couldn't be good at gaming." She notes that when her gender becomes known, she's often pigeonholed into playing support roles or assumed to be less skilled. However, Nico has proved her prowess, attaining a Diamond rank as an Attack-Damage Carry (ADC). Still, scepticism shadows her accomplishments, a double standard that male gamers rarely face. She recalls an incident while playing Rainbow Six Siege where, after an impressive performance, her teammates were incredulous when they discovered she was a female gamer. As a Chinese player, she's also encountered disturbing levels of racism, recounting instances where her friends' Chinese usernames on LoL attracted sudden slurs and unwarranted harassment. The toxicity runs deep, impacting new players—particularly females and Chinese gamers—dissuading them from entering the gaming world.

​Nico advocates the implementation of strict rules and impactful punishments such as blocking accounts for extended periods, rather than just sending warnings for hate speech. She criticises the current lax environment where players can freely unleash toxicity, proposing either account blocks or muting as viable solutions. "You can't really climb through the internet and reach someone's house and confront a bully. They wouldn't change their mind anyway." She suggests instead, "If I report someone on LoL for being racist, Riot Games should block their account for at least a year or two. Then I'm sure they won't say things then." But her vision extends beyond tackling toxicity. She asserts, "Give more space to female players. It's not something the gaming industry needs to do, but the whole society needs to." Reflecting on societal gender norms, she points out the early conditioning that guides children toward stereotypical toys: girls with dolls, boys with Xbox and Playstation. This ingrained mindset perpetuates the belief that gaming isn't for girls. Nico calls for an inclusive outlook, urging society to disregard gender as a factor in gaming prowess.

​Nico's journey stands as a testament to resilience and unyielding ambition. She firmly believes that the visibility of marginalised gamers can usher in positive change: "Knowing other people’s stories helps for sure. Seeing others can wake your dreams up." Nico is poised to venture into the world of streaming, be it on Twitch or Chinese social media platforms, seeing the potential for her content to resonate with online audiences, as well as as a promising path for income. Highlighting the juxtaposition of unattractive male gamers with hypersexualised "gamer girls," she shatters these norms, asserting, "This is definitely a harmful stereotype because men think this is what an attractive female gamer should be. As you can see, I am not like that." She discusses how male gamers are confined to an unattractive and nerdy image, while female gamers are often typecast as "cat girls" or scantily clad streamers with anime personas. She points out the problematic dynamics at play, where some female streamers cater to the male gaze by donning specific outfits or personas for likes and clicks, rather than embracing gaming for the sheer joy it brings. Nico contrasts this with male gamers who often rely on their gaming skills and logic to attract viewers. "If you don’t dress up attractively, you are less likely to get clicks," she observes, underscoring the discrepancy in how male and female gamers are perceived and treated in the gaming community.

 Her frankness underscores the urgency of shifting the industry's focus from appearance to skill, calling for a more inclusive perspective. Even as Nico anticipates potential backlash, her determination remains steadfast. Drawing strength from her years of gaming, she acknowledges the possibility of negative comments when she shows her face on camera during streams. "I have gained a stronger heart and mind through all these years of playing video games," she states confidently.